sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
