Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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