i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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