Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
