So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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