What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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