He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
