Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
