i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
