I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize