your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
