Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
