Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
