Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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