No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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