so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
