I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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