the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
