3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
