Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Less talking, more tequila
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
