It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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