Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
