That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
