so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I can't put those talents on a resume
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
