Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
