So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize