I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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