The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
