You're my little dorito
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
