i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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