dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
