He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
