in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
