My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
