Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
