In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
