You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
