So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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