omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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