You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
