do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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