i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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