she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
