Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
