why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
