He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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