hotel room ftw
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
