My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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