Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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