Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
