i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Never underestimate the power of titties
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