I just saw a hot homeless man
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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