Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
