the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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