what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
