We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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