i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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