and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
