Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Shame - the story of my life.
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