That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
