Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
