No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
