So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
