im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
